Joke for life

Chinpeng

I was looking for an empty space to park my car at Bangsar when suddenly

there's a knock on the glass"Encik ah..tanya sikit ah..itu Chimpeng mana ah..?""Apa?""Chimpeng, Chimpeng...saya sudah tanya itu guard ah..

dia ckaap sini ada satu Chimpeng...""Sorrylah Apek. Saya tak tau woh...Apa tempat itu Chimpeng?""Aiyah...itu Chimpeng balu punya..Saya mau pigi angkat wang la..."

"Tarak tau la boss. Itu kedai ka apa?Along ka?"

"Chimpeng bukan kedai ma..lu itu pun tak tau ah..?

itu Chimpeng macam ituMaypeng, Public Peng, RHetB Peng...itu balu punya peng..

"Adoi...bengap punya apek..buat aku pening je..dia actually cari CIMB Bank..

Air

One day in a class room a teacher is teaching Science and the topic for today is gasses.

So the teacher asked the class

Teacher :" Can anyone name me and example of any kind of gasses around us.

Student 1: Oxygen teacher

Teacher: Good very good, anymore..

Student 2: Hidrogen teacher

Teacher: Good very good, anymore.. anyone... fadzilah... give me one example

Fadzilah: errrrr... errrrrrrr...(mak tak tau lah ).. LACTOGEN teacher..(lari).....

Teacher: What??????????? you very the bodoh

Oh by the way this is only a rekaan belaka, so dont you be hengry or hannoy hokey.

Mothers hear this..

WHY WOMEN LET THEMSELVES GO

Have you ever thought why people especially mothers and in particularly housewife let themselves go , from being an outgoing, pleasantly looking, fun and loving person to this bitter, fat and self unorganized person ( tapi tak jugak semulalah, ada juga mothers yang cantek dan bergaya). Normally parents and in particularly mothers would let go of themselves eg. appearance wise contohnya pakaian selebet je and their self confidence resulting to low self esteem.

These are a few reasons why Women Let Themselves Go:-

1.0 Women aren't on their own list of priorities.

After taking care of everyone else, they are always putting themselves last on the list, and often have very little left to give. There are many women who aren't living—they are just existing. This is a form of self-abuse. Women often wear their exhaustion as a badge of honor. The more you do for your loved ones, the more acceptable it becomes to "let yourself go." Women believe it's okay to become a "sacrificial lamb" within their own families. This is a lie that we allow ourselves to buy into, but we need to wake up! The challenge for women is that they must re-language what it means to be a wife and mother. Being a good wife and mother means that if you don't take care of yourself, in the long run you are ultimately harming all the other people you love in your life. You won't be the only one who takes the hit.

2.0 Fear of Competition.

Media and society frequently tell women we need to portray ourselves as "together" and be able to perform any task thrown our way. But when women look at the reality of how overwhelmed they feel in their own lives, they begin to feel like they are not good or worthy enough. Women often see other women who look like they are "doing it all"—and then when they compare themselves, they become overwhelmed and feel inadequate. It's not easy to face feelings of inadequacy so women usually end up avoiding them. But women need to know you can't show up in your own life if you are on the run. They tell themselves they are too tired and burdened to compete with others so they don't believe they have the power to change anything. Then they "drop out" of the game—they give up and let themselves go.

3.0 Unresolved anger contributes to letting go.

Sometimes women "drop out" because they don't know how to send a verbal message that says, "Get off my back." They have unresolved feelings of anger or rage toward someone or about something so they "let themselves go" to express that. When women give up on themselves, they are often sending messages of anger and it could be because of something traumatic that happened in the past or because of unhappiness in a current relationship…like with a parent, husband, or child.

4. We let fear take over.

Women become paralyzed in their lives and let themselves go because of an underlying fear. A fear of rejection, a fear to accept how they really feel about themselves, a fear of facing the idea that they aren't enough, a fear of accepting how others may feel about them. They let the fear take over and let other people determine their own self worth. The internal barometer that gauges, guides and directs your life as an empowered woman—that makes you know you are enough and okay—is broken and needs to be fixed.

Inspirational and Motivational Quotes.

1) Never expect things to happen.. struggle and make them happen.
never expect yourself to be given a good value create a value of your own

2) If a drop of water falls in lake there is no identity. But if it falls on a leaf of lotus it shine like a pearl. so choose the best place where you would shine..

3) Falling down is not defeat...defeat is when your refuse to get up...

4) Ship is always safe at shore... but is not built for it

5) When your successful your well wishers know who you are when you are unsuccessful you know who your well wishers are

6) It is great confidence in a friend to tell him your faults; greater to tell him/her

7) "To the world you might be one person, but to one person you just might be the world

8) "Even the word 'IMPOSSIBLE' says 'I M POSSIBLE' "

9) Effort is important, but knowing where to make an effort in your life makes all the difference.

Be thankful

Enlighten me on this… have you ever felt that you take your life for granted. For instance waking up in the morning and going to work everyday even when you don’t feel like going or looking at yourself saying what a boring day its going to be today the same old chores. I think each and everyone of us did that without even realizing that life is too short and it is suppose to celebrated everyday.

I guess sometimes we don’t realize how precious life can be, how much God have enthrone us with all this wondrous things in life, but have we ever been thankful for it.

Be thankful for :-

• Having to wake up in the morning because its another day of you making the most in life, having to make a difference in your life and people around you.
• Going to work every morning, and realizing that you got a job that gets you going even to a point that you think its monotonous because some other people don’t get to realize that because there jobless.
• Caught up in a jam, at least you got wheels.. some people are standing up in the bus with the smell and the air-condition that doesn’t really works.
• That you could spend another day with your family even with the yelling, the drama and most of all the fights because when they are dead and gone you never go say hello and say that I love you.
• For the parents that you have and still breathing because some people didn’t get to experience that. Some orphan child would die to have what you have, so be thankful that you still got your elders and don’t forget to express your love everyday.
• Another day to say call and to say I love you to your siblings. Because when they are gone, then you only wish you could say that and let them know how much their lives make a great difference in yours.
• For the friends that you have, and how the laughter and the wonderful journey you have together. Even sometimes things are rough its just a way of life dealing with you.
  For the gift of being able to appreciate your surroundings and the gift of music. Imagine being deaf and blind the next day.
• For the body that you have today, that you can still open and arms and give your love ones a big hug so cherish your health and take good care of your body.
• For the country you live in, because in another world they are hunger and war.
  
  And many-many more wonderful things in life. Be glad that we have another day of breathing and experiencing at least we have another day of it, because some people didn’t got another chance.

Are you losing hair... down there

We as human being have similarities with animals (Mestilah makan, minum dan nafsu). Tapi have you ever wonder why we have our pubic hair and also hair growing on our armpits. Haaaaaaaaaaa mesti you tak tau kan…. Bagi yang tak tau .. inilah jawapannya and bagi yang dah tau ….diam-diam je.

We our body hair are as similar with the animal fur. One of the function of the hair in animals are to retain/trap the pheromone hormone to attract the opposite sex that being secreted during the time of libido. This will enhance the sexual desire of the opposite sex for mating.

The same function occurs to us human being. Have you ever wonder why most of the hair only appears mainly on the armpits and genital area and also the head. Well the function of hair is obviously to protect the brain from being too hot or cold but have you ever wonder why the armpits and genital area. Well it was believe that that area the most trapped our pheromone hormone is around the armpits and also the genital area.. Maknanye tempat-tempat ini selalu basah dan can retain smell for the purpose of matinglah. Lebih-Lebih lagi untuk siapa-siapa yang bau badankan. Hehe. The body odor is suppose to attract the opposite sex to enhance sexual desire. But, nowadays having a body odor is a no-no thing where it’s a big turnoff when having smelly armpits or smelly pubic hair.

As human grow older, their body will abort the hair especially when they are inactive in sex because the body tells the brains that they no longer need to produce pheromone. Ladies yang dah putus haid or menopause will notice that they will start growing facial hair eg. Mustache or beard. This happen because they are producing low percentage estrogen and inhabits them to grew beard and other facial hair.

So siapa-siapa yang dah matang tu if you are starting to lose pubic or armpit hair its normal hehe pelikkan. Well I read about this but if anyone got any comment on this please do write to me back and explain further. Maybe we could share more information. Just email it at allan@btu.upm.edu.my. Marilah kenali tubuh kita bersama-sama.

Intake...

Remember last few weeks when i mentioned that we are preparing for the new intake to arrive. Well blow me out ... they did come but only a partial of them came. The new intake is suppose to be around 500 plus and guess what? only 74 came.

It is actually a big slap for us.. does this means that our University is unpopular and that the students finds that UPMKB as not thier 1st choise, or is it because with the whole bunch of universities out in Malaysia the number of students is being discarted all over the nation leaving all the Universities studentless.

We have gathered some information that UMS and UNIMAS is having the same problem as well. I guess being situated in Peninsular Malaysia have the disadvantages as compared to being in West Malaysia. Iyelah manalah student yang vibrant and muda ni nak pergi ke hujung pelusuh negeri kat KK, Bintulu or even Kuching ni. KL is the answer to all this, as being in an establish institution for example UM, UKM, USM, UTM and UPM Serdang and not Bintulu does gives you and edge, but when u said you graduated from UMS or even Unimas, people might question your credibility.. betul tak. But nonetheless its not actually which Univerisity you are from but how good you are ... thats what counts. You can be a Harvard graduate but if your mentality is like a 3 year old, then it doesn't make that much difference right.

Entahlah, you fikir jugaklah, later i update if our students bertambah okay.

Meant

Have you ever wonder what's the meaning of you name. I was looking at Andy's blog this morning and i come across a very interesting thing. He was defining his name in a few words. AHAKs. Perluke so i pun dengan tak semena-mena mendifinekan jugalah my name:

A- ANODYNE
(someone/something which comfort a troubled mind or turns attention away from more
important matters )

L - LUBRICIOUS
(this one u find out yourself , this is a very interesting word heheee)

L - LUSTY
(Full of strength, power or health)

A - ALLURING
( to attact or charm by offer of something plesant)

N - NOBLE
(Deserving praise and admiration because of unselfishness and high moral quality)

So, thats it. my name defines me... what would yours be ...?

BEHIND THE NAME
ALLAN
Gender: Masculine
Usage: English, Scottish, Breton
Pronounced: AL-an [key]

The meaning of this name is not known for certain, though it possibly means either "little rock" or "handsome" in Breton. Alternatively, it may derive from the tribal name of the Alans, an Iranian people who migrated into Europe in the 4th and 5th centuries. This was the name of several dukes of Brittany, and was introduced to England by Bretons after the Norman invasion. Famous modern bearers include Alan Shepard, the first American in space and the fifth man to walk on the moon, and Alan Turing, a British mathematician and computer scientist

Find yours here

http://www.behindthename.com/nmc/eng.php