I & me

It has almost been 7 months since this incident erupts between us and at this juncture it seems that, there is no reconcilation and that saddens me much.

But out of this twisted life , i discover something out of all of this. I realise that life is uncertain. I use to think that friends matters ( then i realise... nope there is always the back stabber ). Then there's the family....nop nop there is no certainty there too.. coz even when you feel that you are part of it.. but then looking at the big picture, you are still the person at the end of the big circle.

So........ now i know, what ever it is "I DEPEND ON MYSELF". No freinds nor blood would pick me up but myself. For somehow or rather i felt alone .....yes alone.

Being different

Coming from a small and neat family and having to grow up without a father at a very early age, frequently makes me feel inadequate for what ever reason. like for instance do “I look the look” or “do I act the act”.

I remember as a kid a cousin of mine told me how my body looks weird, as I was quiet a chubby kid growing up. It was not really a horror but I guess it was planted in my brain the being thin is beautiful, but as a kid I always know that I am different from people around me. I was never the bright one, was the popular one, never the good looking one, never the athletic one, never the most desired one, never the favorite one, never the elected one , never ,never, never ………..

The word “never” just rhymes with my name and myself that sometimes I gave up even before I tried because I always knew I would never get it or I would never accomplish it and the most hurtful thing that I would ever experience is “ I would ever be elected” Can you imagine, being a kid and realizing your limitation, how the world crumbles even before you stack your bricks.

It is still clear jilted inside my mind , sitting down on my chair , eagerly praying to God, God… God…… let me be elected to be the class monitor .. and the class take pull and elected Ah Chong the Chinese guy in the class again. Well, I would assume that since he was always our class monitor since standard one. Oh okay maybe being the class monitor is too big for me God .. please please let me be the vice monitor instead.. anddddddddddd that too was a disappointment. It was not really for the POWER that im searching for but it was more the recognition which I am lacking since I was a kid. The recognition to be heard , the recognition to be at the moment.

So if you asked me , how I did it.. how this kid that was a nobody before, become somebody today. What I say and do matters .. I don’t know but I believe my different ness was the major factor behind it. I was always the one that thinks, dress , acts differently than all the guys in the class. Looking back, I realize that being different is not always bad. God creates us differently from one another, and for a special reason Being different in the eyes of the world means that you are one in a million of millions of people out there , but you have to embrace it, because only when you do, it will lead you to a more greater things in life. My life is just beginning but everyday when I woke up , I always thank god for the wonderful things he have endure upon me, and I strongly believe that he have bigger and greater planned.