OLD FRAMES...

I dont know if you are aware how old pictures are taken so profesionally . The angle and how those people look PReCIOUS.

Btw guys the front row from the left is my Dad, middle is my mum and the baby is my oldest sister. Yang lain tu, aku tak kenal. hehheeh.

CHRISTMAS TO ME.........

I know this is too early to post , but i just want to share my childhood expeciences especially comes Christmas.

As a child growing up in an Oil Palm Estate with my siblings and my Mum things are a lot simpler then. We have practically nothing accept for the common utilities such as a TV which at that time was only TV1, radio and a fridge.

Then comes Christmas...

Gosh Christmas to my family was something that we would look forward to..

even then we knew its going to be just a simple celebration but it meant so much. I remember my mum use to give us presents which at that time just like pencil case, pen, water colour and the most expensive thing that you could have is a school bag.

Oh ya , i think the most memorable Christmas gift i had was a motorcycle toy with a battery my mum bought for me. At that time material things are so far out of reach, not that we knew all this things. hehehe.

Comes Christmas eve, My mum will ask some guys from my village with cameras to come over to take our pictures and we have to dress up with our new dress in front of the Christmas tree.

I remember my sister was in the Red Cross and she have to use her new Red Cross dress for the Christmas photo. Punyalah kuno masa tu kan. He he.

After the photo session , my mum would ask the photographer to eat and drink some cheap boose and went home drank. Biasa diorang ni, tak biasa minum so ada juga yang muntah bila balik rumah. Punyalah penat masa tu bersihkan muntah orang.

We use to go to our immediate family home also during the holidays. Its either we went to Lahad Datu to my Aunt house or to my Grandmothers plance in Kunak / Mostyn. Funny because the same thing happen, we have to dress up and pause in front of the Christmas tree again. I remember my Aunty use to have this Christmas tree ( buat sendiri) using creep paper, wires and cotton.

DIY kan. Those days mana ada yang ready made.

So you see, i grew a custom of having a Christmas tree and pictures during Christmas time. This pic is taken at my house in Bintulu before i went off for my Christmas holiday 2006. I guess the concept of pausing in front of the Christmas tree is still the same but what differs is the amount of time and money setting up all the decorations and lighting. I use to tell my freinds that if Christmas comes everyday, i would be broke everymonth.

So now is May, i got 7 more month to prepare for Christmas this year.

WOULD we CHANGE our PAST

Before my birthday my sister called me up to wish me HAPPY BIRTHDAY
and something that she said really struck a cord to me:

" Now that you are older and senja ( he! he! gosh ) would you ever change your history "

Would I......
would you.......
would we..............

I dont know... but for me.. If i got the power to reverse back the future, i wouldn't change it even a little bit. The journey that i've been tru made me who i am today. Well i wouldn't say that i am perfect, but why would i want to change my future without me knowing ,what will i end up to be.

On the first place my history involves a lot of mix experiences ,bitter and sweet and to redo back all those troubles and poverty again, nahhhhhhhhh i wouldn't. I remember when i was a child my classmate had this pencil box ( yaaaaaaaa .. pencil box) that got this automatic compartment which able to open by itself and gosh i envy him to much and i asked my mum if i could have one but i guess deep inside i knew i could never have one.

The battle or unsecurity when i was growing up.........

The feeling of being so unperfect.....
The feeling of being so unacceptable ........
The feeling of being so unwanted..........
The feeling of being different.....
The feeling of being Ugly.....
But the most is ...........
The feeling of being unworthy to be loved...

well..... would i want to go tru it again.
No doubt , i still carry those feeling, but i have grown and i overgrown some of them. I still have issues but it wasn't as bad as when i was a little kid. I am more listened nowadays and what i feel and think ....matters. Thats what counts to me.

Everymorning when i step out of my house. The first step i took pause a smile to my face because " Today i am making a difference not only to me but to my nation and to the world". But i know there are more to accomplish , more to achieve, and i am glad i am here in the front row making a difference.

Life is like a journey .
We would never know what lies ahead.
a stormy weather ...
a beautiful island...
a pirate ship ( matilah di bunuh lariiiiiiiiii..........)
or even a hidden treasure ( bling bling)
So dont ever sail back but keep sailing