Would it be kind.

A few weeks ago something happen between me and a good friend of mine. She was about to go back to Bintulu after 4 years of study leave( u know who i meant right), but towards the very last week, we ( its was not we, coz i was not angry) she got so angry with me for one particular reason.

If you are reading this.. honestly i have nothing against u. I never devide my friends into categories .. all my friends are good freinds and i love all of you dearly. But i think we should support friends in times of trouble and i think she need us at this juncture coz she is having a hard time dealing with her divorce and the lost of her career. I was there for you when you need in lying down in the hospital feeling so helpless, not shutting my eyes even a minute coz i know u need me the most and yet you have the guts to say i never supported you all this while.

What crumbles me most of all is how everyone treat as if i'm the bad person ,when in fact the only thing i did was wanting nobody to be left out. nobody to be left behind. What would u feel if someday , you are in a bad situation and everyone ditch you behind.

Maybe i would sound so arrogant or selfish for not going with all of you during the weekend but i believe at least she is not left behind alone.. at least im left behind too and she wouldnt feel so bad. Don't get me back to the time how everyone cheats me and stab me from behind and you were one of the culprits, how hurtful i felt after all the years i've invested in our friendship. You told me you did it because you didnt want to take sides but u did.. at least this time round i didnt take anyone side, i didnt take yours and i didnt take L's side either.

I hope you would understand me. I care and love all my dearest friends and hurting each one of you means its hurts me as well but i have to take my stand .. nobody should be left behind. NOBODY SHOULD BE LEFT ALONE. Another friend of mine explain that , she have the right to choose who she wants to bring coz its her apartment and her weekend but is it to the expense of leaving another friend behind. What if that person is you........ what if the person that was left behind is you.. wouldnt you feel hurt.. OOHhhhhhhhhh never mind we wouldnt tell her.. if she doesnt know wouldnt hurt her.. what if she knewwwwwwwwww.

Think about it... what if someday the one left behind is you..

Two house for a house.

Sometimes i wonder, what are we aiming for in life.. a good life.. a big house.. a nice car or even as many children as possible.

Then it get me thinking.. im paying almost a thousand plus for my house for a long period of time and it strikes me.. how much am i paying until i can call the house my own. Then i start calculating and OMG im going to pay almost double what i loan for the house.

Even with the Government load, i still paying double the amount,, ... and it prolong as long as i live. , What if i die early.. then the house will be paid in full and the person benefited will own a fully paid house., but as long as im living , i am liable to pay for my house hehehe.

Have you ever think about it.. how our lives tangled with all these depts. ahhhhhhhh.. how can we stop this feeling. No debts .. means no house, no car .. no nothing.. well not entirely nothing but no higher puchase asets.

How can i add to my income , so that i can be free from all of this........... think allan think.

They are getting younger by the day. ( needles and pin)

I was checking my students ( PITO) class today and one of them put their ic no in front of the report and my god these students are born in 1985 hehe. wow i was 17 at that time . i was doing my spm when these teachers are born and now luckly im teaching them.

Now i feel like an old haggggggg.. hehehe but to my surprise ,.. they look alot older than me ( aduh perasan la ni).

I guess the riddles is soooooo right when it says " needles and pins , needles and pins, when a mans married, his trouble begins.

My rocky world...

I just got news today that my name was mentioned during the graduate school meeting last week, i was one of the students that didn't activity partake in my studies. I admit that recently i am really really off tract especially with my work ( my pile up work), my residence ( how troubled it has been lately) and then my studies ( how i am procrastinating my studies , just because I'm paying myself).

I felt that life is taking so much of me. This doesn't include my personal problems that I'm dealing with.. another comes another problem one after another. GODDDDDDD HELP ME. Everyday I'm praying for strength and wisdom, hoping that god would look upon me and guide me to a better me. Sometimes i felt waking up in the morning without any clear view of what i want in life. Have u ever felt hopeless and that your life has no meaning at all. Waking up in the morning asking yourself what is your purpose in life and what can you bring to make the world a better place, when everything crumbles.

I need to slap myself in the face and shake me up.. Allannnnnnnnn.. wake up !!!!!!!!wake up. !!!!!!!!!!!! pull yourself together. Compare your life with other people , you are farrrrrr better. so suck up and do nottttttt i repeat do not do this to yourself again. Be brave and pray for God's mercy everyday.

So, as i am writting this now,.. i will pull myself up and do the best that i can. No more procastinating and no more aliby. NO NO NO. no more .

a tombs too late

Last wednesday i went to Macy .. as usual when i'm bored i would just drive down to Macy and see whats the latest promotion.. sometimes i found a good bargain and sometimes i left empty ( but thats most of the case lately... nothing interest me nowadays.So to continue my story i end up buying some white organza ribbons . .. now thats a bargain. Actually i bought it for my Christmas tree. So yesterday i got a call from Diding and we end up talking about my ribbon from Macy.
Normally by this end of the year we would be busy discussing on our own Christmas Tree and our Christmas decoration, but its different ... this year i still can feel her emptyness.. her sorrowness and i wouldn't say that it was pain.. its more like .. a minute too late .. a gift that was taken away and a hope that was shattered. Guess that happens when you lost someone special in our life.. It changed us and it changed facing the world everyday. So i told her that life has to go on. we cannot just stop living because someone died. It wouldnt be fair to us and people around us. For me a death is not an ending of ones life but and extension of our love and gods love. If we look death in a different angle knowing that we wouldnt never meet again , then means we push the belief of everlasting life.

My dad died 43 years ago but i has always hopeful that one day.. i will meet him again. i know i would and i believe i would. It was amazing how some of us perceived life and death ... good and bad , a step and an ending.

I'M SORRY FOR THE QUIETNESS BUT I'M BLOGGING AGAIN ...

Oh god, its has been ages since i wrote anything in this blog. I guess everyone is and was so caught up with Facebook and forget to actually write anything. As i said before, writing and blogging is actually a therapy but with the time consume and work related business i hardly have time to blog.

Oh gosh i have a lot to talk about, these last few month is just hectic with the work and so and so he he.

Oh btw, did i told you that early this year i was diagnose with slightly high blood pressure. LOL i guess its related to moving to the new house and hardly have the time to exercise or sexcersice hehe . I'm on medication since February but my aim is to reduce my weight ( but it seems to be increasing lately).

Ok, i write a bit more tonight.. i got a few things to blog ( some very interesting thing) and maybe i need to pour some of my concern and encounters hehe.

so see u again tonight ya.

CALEXTO.. MY BABY

Calexto my dog.. its nice to know someone is so happy to see us when we reach home. He is a force for me to look forward to go back home.

dogs dogs dogs

kinda like both these dogs hehe. the white on is a Snauzer and below is a pug.. alahai cutenya. my dog calixto is a snauzer but he is black in colour n his ear droops . but he is cute too.

New upgrade furnitures

These are some of the new furnitures upgraded for the house. Its a long wait, but its worth every penny and every day hehe.


My new tv cabinet.

My new sofa

My new dining set.

OLD TAWAU TOWN PICTURES.

I got this piecture from facebook, it shows some old Tawau town pictures. i hope you will like it as i like it , coz it brings alot of great memories to me.

Tawau shell station, im not sure where its located, but this is somewhere in tawau. If im not mistaken its near the sea shore next to the tawau playground. ya ka.

Tawau old mosque.. this is the one near express and the hanging market.

One of the monument in tawau, If im not mistaken its located near the playground too.

this was the old holy trinity school.

Holy trinity school for the boys.

the Tawau great Bell tower

Tawau town in the 60s

the old Tawau Swimming pool next to the tawau playgound. Im sure some of u can remember this , i use to peek myself to see whats inside , imagining what would it be like to swim in the swimming pool.