Wednesday, April 15, 2015

my Facebook .. its drifting

hello Allan,
its been a while since I written anything .. things was just too hectic with work.. and lately i'ven been feeling sick quiet often.. My tonsillitis is getting swollen every time the weather change, and my body pain from over exercising at the Gym.

I was looking through my blog and read a history of things happening in my life and sometimes I forget writing it myself.

Oh btw im going back to Tawau for my birthday this year.  I have made a Oath to myself that I would spend more time with my family this year, but at times I think i'm failing.  Anyway this year I am coming back for my birthday but I found out recently that my mum is not going to be in Tawau, as she is resting in KK .. yes her osteoporosis is getting worst and I wouldn't want to bug her to come to Tawau but it would be nice to have my mum. YESSSSSSSSSS I AM TURNING 47 this year.

The big 47.   When I was my teen , I always imagine not growing old  dying early he he, because I always think that my life will be rough and poorly lived, but now im 47, thanking GOD everyday for the wonderful gift to me.. having a good and rich life (spiritually , mentally and financially as compared to some other lads).

My birthday I plan just to have a simple celebration, going to my fathers grave to share my existence with him, asking for his prayers continue blessings. Maybe if I got time I would like to visit some of my ex classmates in Tawau found recently in facebook. I hope to rekindle our long lost  friendship  and maybe visiting BAL and even TAIKO PLANTATION. where it all begin.. would be nice to come back kan.  I will take some pictures.. to see and hoping to see some old friends as well.

Monday, November 24, 2014

Dear me ( 24/11/2014),

I just came back from The Philippines yesterday, went up to pick up my Mum. She was there almost 2 months.  She was okay as per say but lately I found her to be very quiet. I am  not sure if the quiet is because she was tired from the long ordeal in Philippines or because she misses her sister.

She spend a lot of time inside her room and since Saturday she hardly watches tv.  I hope .. whether its missing or tired, she would soon get over it. Sometimes I feel sad knowing that , the time when she really can visit her as frequent but it was too soon and Aunty Enida falls sick and now gone.

I know even if deep inside me I feel that they are not that close as sisters but deep inside my heart I know that my aunt really misses my mum. Have u ever felt there is a hole deep inside your heard that is not filled, because u misses someone.. knowing that that person is around but its just impossible to meet. I know both the sisters misses each other very much but to connect both places general santos and tawau is just impossible and there is also the cost constrain. My mother have been wishing to go back to Philippines for as long as I can remember but we have no idea how to go there.. and part of it is her to blame because she hardly talk about her birthplace.

When, we arrange to visit her hometown this year, she was so excited ,. I think the mere excitement is to visit her parents and siblings graveyard but most of all to visit her only remaining siblings. Funny when they meet there was an weird feeling.. both of the seems like different people..  Maybe it was me but I felt that they we so long and far apart that they hardly know how to connect at first.  After a while Nanay felt at home but still the food remains the biggest thing ever. I notice that their food is far different from ours.. Nanay use to tell us when we were a kid how they use to catch the catfish in the paddy field and how they cook it with guava leaves.  How the very traditional food nanay use to make and we grew up eathing all this Filipino traditional dish.

Then when we reach there ,.. THE FOOD IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT. The pinaksiu and adobo is not the way they prepare for us taste different , it looks different and most of all the way they cook it almost alien to me. haha . I read once that The Chinese in Malaysia is more Chinese than the Chinese in China in terms of tradition and food,. because the Malaysian Chinese wants to preserve the traditional Chinese cooking but the Chinese in the Big Island sway themselves to a new way of cooking. I guess same goes with my parents and all my aunty and uncle. We including the second and third generation are paying close intention to keep the traditional taste even how hard it may be but in the Philipines they no longer know that traditional taste because the taste has been altered and altered many times hehehe. I doubt my nephew and nieces knows the original taste or even how to make pinaksiu and adobo.

So, that's my experience in the Great Adventure in The Philippines, my cousin say to me that maybe next year they want to make a reunion .. we'll see how it goes. But someday i hope to visit Philippines again , maybe this time its for a happy occasion.

Thursday, October 30, 2014


I saw Fadzilla yesterday, yes she is here in Serdang. Actually she came for a self marketing Seminar held in The mines exhibition centre. The Seminar is about how to market oneself and according to illa.. the seminar also teaches us how to interact with god so that he will answer all our prayers.

I picked her up in a nearby hotel and went to have our lunch near Serdang, and she was excitedly talking about her course. As usual illa was so pumped up, feeling excited with her discoveries. She explain to me about being successful we have to  circle ourself with positive attitude people. I remember a book I read once " we are the 5 person closes to us". so means however positive we are but if we are surrounded by negative people, sooner or later their negative vibes will rub on you. That I know.

One thing that honestly have me thinking was how Fazila's thinking circle around wanting to be rich. I always believe when you focus yourself much on wanting a thinking and praying everyday for it.. soon God will render it to you. I know that soon fazila will have much as she wanted, ... then one thing she told me.. to present yourself like an old ape... ahhhhhhhhh don't show off otherwise people will feel that you are a threat, and somehow they will pull you down. Hm.. yes I know there is a truth in that ,  but to dress up like an old hag and appe.. nope not me. I  dress up not to impress but to make myself worth.. I dress up not because for other people I dress up because I love myself and I feel that I'm worth.

All I wish for illa is go go ahead. I'm with you all the way.. I guess it would be na├»ve for me to say that my aim in life is not to be rich or super rich, I settle to become average, but if God will that I became one.....THANK YOU LORD ALLELUIA but for me life is short and I'm enjoying every minute of it.  I know that it would be selfish or pathetic for me to say that que sera sera but I'm living my life in this moment... and enjoying what God has given to me everyday and every minute. Maybe its also up to priority .. mine is to be happy  and possibly helping people around me and maybe illa priority is someday to become rich.

Whats yours.. do u want to become rich and you have plenty of money in the bank or live a full life with a fair amount of money. tepuk dada tanyalah selera kan.

Monday, October 27, 2014

Dear Allan,
Went to Church yesterday, Its been a while since I came back from the Philippines to send my mum to her home town in General Santos, Mindanao. My Aunt is sick .. quiet a fatal disease. 

It was a quick journey for me and my mum.. everything was set up so quickly and by the time I realize it, we were on the way to Manila. It was during the Haj Celebration in between so I manage to not take any more of my little annual leave.

It was pouring rain in Manila that night when we arrive, we stayed the same hotel that we've stayed before ( EUROHOTEL) in Malate, supposingly we went out for dinner that night but decided to just order in coz of the rain. Anyway the food was okay..

The next morning we shoot of to the airport and after 2 hours plus on the plane we arrive safely in GenSan. My cousin was a bit late picking us up, after finally 1 hour of waiting they came.. thank goodness I insisted my mum to not take the taxi sapu otherwise it will be  very expensive.

We have lunch along the way to the hospital. we have bbq chicken and rice. When we arrive at the hospital ( suppose to be a private practice but looks like Tawau General hospital 20 years ago , you can tell by the sign board writing that was written with hand hehehe). When we enter my aunts room, everyone was so surprise to see us... I thought everyone knew we're coming. When my Aunt Neda saw us, I could tell she was happy to see her last remaining siblings. She make an effort to sit down  next to my mum.. tapping her feet and saying to everyone " amun ni bunsu" ( this is our youngest). After all these years of being away and being reunited again I could feel how she misses my mother so much.. and still attachly feel my mother is their youngest in the family. Then flashes of memories came to me how my mum always tell everyone that I was her bunsu.  I was picturing myself in my mums positon someday and I burst in tears. How.. maybe in years to come that will be me.

Then my mum ask me to feel my Aunt with the Chocolate we bought from Malaysia. I know she loves Chocolate as our last visit we bought some too and she kept it to her self hehehe, that's cute. My tears flows down like rain that day, trying to keep my compost and trying to feed her is just to much for me. Then of the 3rd serving she cough I guess the sugar is too much. Then gently my mum ask me to go outside to retain myself from crying. 

Do you know that sadden me the most is .. having so little time to know my Aunt.. Yes I meet her for the first time in February this year , she was strong and I remember asking her to visit us in Malaysia one day ... and she said yes if I got married hehehe yeaaaaaa like that's going to happen.  Another thing that sadden me so much is that my sister and my cousins never got to know her .. if she passed.  To know our roots and to meet one of the remaining member of my Mums family. I do hope that they would just take a time and visit before its too late.. I know everyone is busy with their life but tryyy..

That night I spend the whole night at the hospital to watch over my Aunt. I had a few sleep but I know she was in pain. The next morning I flew from GENSAN early morning at reach manila in the afternoon and flew to Kuala Lumpur in the evening. I reach KL at nearly 10 pm and finally reach home by midnight.

Then I was down with fever, cough and sore throat for a week.. so I skip sunday mass for 2 weeks, but the lord is always by my side. I remember waching Oprah online yesterday .. a quote by her GOD APPRECIATE BEING APPRECIATED, that y I always thank GOD everyday for even a little things he rendered to me.
LORD JESUS thank you for giving me a good family, a good life , good health everyday .. AMEN

Tuesday, October 21, 2014


I was thinking of posting this tribute to my Myvi a while back, my QTE 71 but I was so busy with work and sending my mum back to Phil sekejap that I forgot doing it.

Yes, my Myvi was my baby ,.. bought her in Bintulu in 2007 ( I think). The first time my agent handed me my Myvi car keys, it was one of the happiest days of my life. Upgraded from my BGD5429 kancil to my QTE71 myvi was a big accomplishment for me. I am not such a car guy but upgrading myself from a small car to a slightly big car makes me proud of myself ( tapping my back and said GOOD JOB U'VE UPGRADED URSELF FINALLY ).

When I bought my Beetle, I told my agent that I still want to use my old number if its possible.. I love my existing number QTE71 as it has so many significant meaning to me , and my agent told me that he can do it with a little bit of payment ( RM 650), according to him , my old car will have its own new number and my Beetle with come with my old number. All that I know my old myvi will be ___9433.

I share some great moment with my Myvi,
1. You have always been there for me... I remember the time with I got robbed and I drove u to the hospital .. bleeding with all cuts and bruises .. ( one of the reason I got you upholster to hide my blood on the car seat.
2. One good thing.. my Myvi never breaks down.. not even once.. well my kancil previously pun sama jugak.. I guess im such a good driver and my car seems to like me very much.

So to my old car,.. my beloved Myvi.. I owe you my life dear and I thank you for the 8 and half year we were together. My hope and dream is that you will find a good owner that will treat you the same way as I did. Thanks thanks and many thanks.. love you baby.

Friday, October 17, 2014

Introducing my "Freveluz bug".

Today its almost been 3 weeks since I got my new car.. Yes people I bought myself a Volkswagen Beetle, the one car that I always wanted to own. Some people wanted to buy a Mercedes Benz or an Audi, well I am a Beetle guy. This brings me way back to when I was a small boy in BAL plantation almost 40 years ago. I clearly remember watching the Bal Estate Plantation managers riding their beetle. We use to call it kereta Labi labi..a kind of tortoise. I always love the design and the moment I sat eyes on it, I feel deeply in love the THE BEETLE. When the new beetle came in 1998 the first time I sat eyes on her, I nearly kiss it. loving it so much, and every time I saw somebody driving a beetle, my neck will always elongated .. to see who's the driver, coz I know I could never own one because it would be too expensive for me ( at that time a beetle cost nearly 200k). 2012 the beetle hatchback was introduce..( I was the prelaunch in OPRAH) I was not very keen on the design at first.. still love the new beetle design but after a while it grew on me. He he I remember putting a flyers on my fridge and my office wall to remind me, my wish will someday come true. So on the 1st or October I got my love .. my long time sweetheart my beetle hatchback bug. Ahhhh my wish come true.. the funny thing is nobody knew it hehehe was a big surprise to my mum. Now every time I drive my beetle, it always put a big smile on my face... once it was only a dream became a reality to me.. thank you Jesus.. for answering my wish. So here u are,, I'm introducing my Beetle FREVELUZ.. ITS AN ACRONAME FOR FRED EVELYN AND LUZ.. MY SIBLINGS.. FOR WITHOUT THEM ALL OF THIS COULD NEVER COME.

Monday, July 22, 2013


I was looking at this, and it shed a tears in my eyes... I hope it wouldn't offend anyone especially its a religion thing.. but it really touch my heart.