Would it be kind.

A few weeks ago something happen between me and a good friend of mine. She was about to go back to Bintulu after 4 years of study leave( u know who i meant right), but towards the very last week, we ( its was not we, coz i was not angry) she got so angry with me for one particular reason.

If you are reading this.. honestly i have nothing against u. I never devide my friends into categories .. all my friends are good freinds and i love all of you dearly. But i think we should support friends in times of trouble and i think she need us at this juncture coz she is having a hard time dealing with her divorce and the lost of her career. I was there for you when you need in lying down in the hospital feeling so helpless, not shutting my eyes even a minute coz i know u need me the most and yet you have the guts to say i never supported you all this while.

What crumbles me most of all is how everyone treat as if i'm the bad person ,when in fact the only thing i did was wanting nobody to be left out. nobody to be left behind. What would u feel if someday , you are in a bad situation and everyone ditch you behind.

Maybe i would sound so arrogant or selfish for not going with all of you during the weekend but i believe at least she is not left behind alone.. at least im left behind too and she wouldnt feel so bad. Don't get me back to the time how everyone cheats me and stab me from behind and you were one of the culprits, how hurtful i felt after all the years i've invested in our friendship. You told me you did it because you didnt want to take sides but u did.. at least this time round i didnt take anyone side, i didnt take yours and i didnt take L's side either.

I hope you would understand me. I care and love all my dearest friends and hurting each one of you means its hurts me as well but i have to take my stand .. nobody should be left behind. NOBODY SHOULD BE LEFT ALONE. Another friend of mine explain that , she have the right to choose who she wants to bring coz its her apartment and her weekend but is it to the expense of leaving another friend behind. What if that person is you........ what if the person that was left behind is you.. wouldnt you feel hurt.. OOHhhhhhhhhh never mind we wouldnt tell her.. if she doesnt know wouldnt hurt her.. what if she knewwwwwwwwww.

Think about it... what if someday the one left behind is you..

Two house for a house.

Sometimes i wonder, what are we aiming for in life.. a good life.. a big house.. a nice car or even as many children as possible.

Then it get me thinking.. im paying almost a thousand plus for my house for a long period of time and it strikes me.. how much am i paying until i can call the house my own. Then i start calculating and OMG im going to pay almost double what i loan for the house.

Even with the Government load, i still paying double the amount,, ... and it prolong as long as i live. , What if i die early.. then the house will be paid in full and the person benefited will own a fully paid house., but as long as im living , i am liable to pay for my house hehehe.

Have you ever think about it.. how our lives tangled with all these depts. ahhhhhhhh.. how can we stop this feeling. No debts .. means no house, no car .. no nothing.. well not entirely nothing but no higher puchase asets.

How can i add to my income , so that i can be free from all of this........... think allan think.

They are getting younger by the day. ( needles and pin)

I was checking my students ( PITO) class today and one of them put their ic no in front of the report and my god these students are born in 1985 hehe. wow i was 17 at that time . i was doing my spm when these teachers are born and now luckly im teaching them.

Now i feel like an old haggggggg.. hehehe but to my surprise ,.. they look alot older than me ( aduh perasan la ni).

I guess the riddles is soooooo right when it says " needles and pins , needles and pins, when a mans married, his trouble begins.

My rocky world...

I just got news today that my name was mentioned during the graduate school meeting last week, i was one of the students that didn't activity partake in my studies. I admit that recently i am really really off tract especially with my work ( my pile up work), my residence ( how troubled it has been lately) and then my studies ( how i am procrastinating my studies , just because I'm paying myself).

I felt that life is taking so much of me. This doesn't include my personal problems that I'm dealing with.. another comes another problem one after another. GODDDDDDD HELP ME. Everyday I'm praying for strength and wisdom, hoping that god would look upon me and guide me to a better me. Sometimes i felt waking up in the morning without any clear view of what i want in life. Have u ever felt hopeless and that your life has no meaning at all. Waking up in the morning asking yourself what is your purpose in life and what can you bring to make the world a better place, when everything crumbles.

I need to slap myself in the face and shake me up.. Allannnnnnnnn.. wake up !!!!!!!!wake up. !!!!!!!!!!!! pull yourself together. Compare your life with other people , you are farrrrrr better. so suck up and do nottttttt i repeat do not do this to yourself again. Be brave and pray for God's mercy everyday.

So, as i am writting this now,.. i will pull myself up and do the best that i can. No more procastinating and no more aliby. NO NO NO. no more .